Wrapped

I will start this post by reminding you of Sam's projectile poo from last week. Well, Shiloh caught that bug, the projectile poo led to projectile puking, which led to a horrible cough that kept everyone up night after night. So you might think I am writing this post to complain about my exhausted, unkempt state. Wrong.

Even though the last few days have proven to be some of the hardest in terms of no sleep (Shi managed about 3 hours the first night and 6 the second, none of them consecutive...) and having a 6am 2 year old wakeup call brought the longest part of the day. When is nap time again??? These last few days I have fallen in love with my kids all over again. Monday, after a horrible night that left Erik covered in vomit at 3am I packed the kids up and headed out to emerg. You might think it crazy that I spent 4 hours in a waiting room with a screaming baby and a toddler and came out with rejuvenated love, but I did. These are the moments that you expect to be the lowest of you parenting career, but my Sam came through with flying colors. Most toddlers when faced with being cooped up in a waiting room with only the few toys mommy packed in the morning, a snack that was consumed in the first 20min of being there and a mom with only $1 in her pocket and four vending machines with candy and drinks that all require at least $1.25 would be going bananas. Not my Sam. Shiloh had finally passed out in her stroller and Sam was sitting on my knee watching the 13inch TV with no volume. He reached his little arms up and put them around my neck, ahh the cuddle. It got better, after a few minutes he looked up at me, planted a soft little boy kiss on my cheek and followed that with a "I just love you mommy". My heart grew three sizes.

At 3am that next morning, I was walking Shiloh holding her upright trying to give her some reprieve from the constant hacking fits she was having. She was exhausted and so was I. She had stopped crying and was just groaning. Her little head was rested on my shoulder, and I could feel her hot breath on my neck. Shiloh was groaning but at the same time babbling "ma ma ma ma ma". I know she is only eight months and wasn't likely referring directly to me, but at that moment I didn't want to be anywhere else.

It's true that my kids have me wrapped, but even as I may try I cannot figure out what is wrong with that.

Product Review

My son was given a wonderful Christmas gift, a Little Tykes Kenmore Elite kitchen. I thought it was great, until today, Little Tykes is pissing me off.
I have two issues:
1. What do you think will happen when you give a kid a kitchen, with a sink and pots and pans....what will that kid want to do? Hopefully if he is normal, cook. What do you give toddlers to cook with? Water. Well, in my kitchen we have a water cooler because the water here tastes like toothpaste backwash. So Sam likes to help himself to his cooking water. Today he asked me if he could make me some coffee, to which I said yes. Well, he usually "makes" the water/coffee directly in the cup, but today he wanted to cook it on his stove in the pot that came with the Little Tyke Kitchen. Sam was busy stirring away his coffee while I was making lunch, when I turned around to walk to my daughter in her highchair when I went flying. Wet tiles are slippery, especially when you don't know they are wet and you are wearing rubber flipflops. Apparently Little tykes thought it would be a bright idea to put HOLES in the bottom of ALL of their containers. Bright move...which kids did they use for their market research I wonder....now my Sam is trying to plug the holes with glue, even better.
2. After the incident above I was on my hands and knees cleaning the water off the floor, Sam was now cooking in an empty pot at the stove. I heard a dog bark. I kept cleaning. Then I heard a door bell...(not my door bell). A few minutes later as I was tidying the living room I heard a baby crying, then in a high pitched baby voice I heard "feed me mommy, I'm hungry". Now Sam has taken to talking like a baby for attention in the last few weeks, so from the other room I scolded him for this behavior and carried on with my cleaning. A few minutes later there were more baby cries followed by a "clean my diaper mommy, I made a mess" which was very quickly followed by a "hug me.....tickle me.....kiss me..." then more crying. Into the kitchen I go, scold my two year old for acting like a baby to which he replies it was not him. Well, this leads me into a two minute long speech about what a lie is and blah blah blah...I turn my back to walk away and I hear "I made a poo poo". Gee, that really didn't sound like Sam, now I am confused. Well, Kenmore Elite no longer makes cooking sounds. It seems the water short circuited something and now my kids kitchen barks like a dog, cries because it's hungry and apparently has the shits.
WTF Kenmore Elite, seriously WTF!

Let the s*&^ fly

Poo, for the past few days it has seemed I am living in an ever growing stinking mass of POO. I have no idea what I did to them but my kids both have diarrhea. Yesterday, Sam managed a bathroom visit before playgroup, at play group and twice at the grocery store. We made it to the potty every time, not bad for a two and a half year old with a very bad case of the runs.
We went to the park for a picnic lunch and then home for nap time. Now thinking that Sam had just eaten I very intuitively put a diaper on him (he prefers to sleep naked as a jay bird for nap time). About 15 minutes into his lie down he called up that he had to use the bathroom, so off I ran. He produced and I was in the process of putting him back to bed when he said"me no need diaper mommy, I just made poo and pee..." this was the turning point in my day.
I threw caution to the wind and listened to the advice of my 2 year old.
What was i thinking....something like "whatever, just go to sleep and don't wake your sister..."

Anyhow I am sure you think you know where my story is going, you're right.
After putting Sam down for his nap again, I headed out to fetch in the groceries, admire my tullips, and yell at the dog for being a constant source of annoyance. After about 10 minutes I came inside to hear "mommy I need you, help MEEEEE".

I ran up the stairs and threw open the door (which I always close so Sam is not enticed to come out of his bed to see what I am up to...) and there stood my naked, blond little man covered in poo.
He was standing about a foot inside the door, his little hands stretched out both of them dripping with something the same hue as rotten pea soup. God bless him he had tried to "catch" the mess that was flying out of his behind. On the floor there was poo. A lot of poo. Liquid, green, smelly poo, about 2ft in diameter. My kids was crying, all the while saying "you mad mommy, it an accident".
The only person I was mad at was me, what an idiot. I locked a naked two year old with the scoots in his room after he had eaten and drank a gallon of milk, then I went outside. I deserved this mess, what the hell was I thinking.

After an hour of scrubbing the dog has found a new favorite place to sleep...I guess he likes that smell.

If you have any great ideas about how to get pee soup poo out of a beige carpet, please do pass them along.

Welcome to Spiked Milk

My kids are too cute and my memory too poor. A few months ago I decided to start writing things down, keeping an online journal of sorts so I created a blog. Up until know I didn't publish my postings, but I am thinking there may me a few mom's and dad's out there that might get a giggle or two from reading about my ups and downs of child rearing. So here it is, Spiked Milk is going public.

sleep deprivation

You might notice I posted that last story twice. This is a classic example of what MONTHS of sleep deprivation will do. I have been known to call my children by the wrong name (sometimes the name of the dog....) and unfortunately to repeat a story or two. Perhaps I should start every knew entry with..."Stop me if I told you this one before.."
Sorry for the repetition, but it was a good story.

gender issues

This little doozy happened to me last week.
Last Monday was a glorious day, the son was shining and it was about 18 degrees. Unlike most days I decided to just relax at home with my kids. No shopping, no playgroup, no car trips. By late morning we were all growing tired of being in the house so out for a long walk we went.
I strapped the kids into the double stroller, filled it full of toys for Shi and snacks and drinks for Sam, off we went.
Our walk took us downtown to see the water and eventually to one of my fav local stores, The Cheeky Monkey. My son loves this store for its kids play section st the back, I love it for the adorable clothes....(in essence we WERE shopping and play grouping it....so much for the day off). Anyhow, in walks a rather LARGE man, wearing a t-shirt and shorts. The t-shirt must have been last years model and he must have gained a few pounds over the winter. My Sam sees him walk in and says, "Mommy, that man a boy or a girl?"

Ok, embarrassing but there are worse things (which I was about to discover). I quietly said, "Sam, that is a man, a grown up boy". To which Sam replied, LOUDLY
"That man have a penis or a gyna?"

Fair enough, after all he is two. Everything in Sam's world needs to be classified as having either a penis or a vagina. So again, like a good mom I explained to my small son that he should know by now that Men have penis's and woman have vagina. My face was red, but not nearly as red as it was about to become.
I thought I had diverted his attention back to the toys, when suddenly my beautiful 2 year old stood back up, put his little hands on his hip, cocked his head to one side and announced to the store,
"Mommy, why that man have a penis AND big boobies?"

Open up earth and swallow me now. We left the store, I am not sure we will be going back.

Where is that rock???

I am looking for the biggest rock to hide my head under; it needs to be big so I can effectively hide the scarlet shade of my cheeks.

Sam has become an inquisitive two year old, and as most 2 year olds do, he asks lots of questions. Just yesterday we were enjoying a nice afternoon shopping session at a local children’s store. Not that I was getting any shopping done, you would think I would know better than to go shopping at 12pm when there has been no nap and no lunch, I would blame it on the kids but really...stupid stupid idea. Anyhow, there we were, for better or for worse. A new customer came into the store and my wee Sam comes over and quite honestly asks “that a man or a woman mommy?” This was one of the first times I wasn’t quite sure of my answer so I very quietly told him (hoping I was right) that the shopper was a man. Well, I probably should have whisked my toddler out of the store at that moment knowing there would be more questions to come. Like many toddlers Sam is into classifying just about anything into two categories: those with penises and those with gynas. So I might have known what his next question would be, “that man have a gyna mommy?”. Now the sales lady is cowering behind the register gleefully awaiting my response. “No Sam, you know men have penises and woman have VAginas” I quietly said. I thought I had gotten away with it, my son was quiet and seemed mercifully engaged with some toy horse, then he turned his little body around, put both hands on his hips and rather loudly exclaimed “Why that man have a penis AND BOOBIES?” Honest to god, let the Earth crack and swallow me now. I am sure all of you mothers out there are reliving my horror. To this I had no answer, the sales lady I am quite sure needed a new pair of undies as she was trying hard not to breakout giggling, she wouldn’t even make eye contact as I whisked my ever enquiring boy out the door. I don’t know if the man with the penis and big boobies bought anything, but I hope if he did the sales lady gave him a discount.